The government steps in early to avoid last minute rush of regulation

Posted: 12/30/2014 in Screwed
Tags: ,

Word in the Village is that, even though Dick Cheney is still alive and shooting people in the face, the National Park Service is already setting up environmental regulations to cover recreational activities at his grave site.

Once the final resting place of Dick Cheney is determined, NPS will conduct hydro geological studies to determine the likely drainage. “This is an important health measure,” said the spokesman, “Remember, the grave will house the rotting remains of Dick Cheney, a heavy load on the well being of whatever community it curses. We may have to install a large septic field as it is. Charging a small fee for pissing on Cheney’s grave may be the only way to recoup those costs.”

Not everyone agrees with the idea of the Park Service regulation.

Others cautioned NPS against excessive regulation. “We’re talking about an expressive activity,” said a First Amendment expert. “Our forefathers, were they alive today, would be lining up to piss on Cheney’s grave.”  Current plans call for limiting pissers to a few hundred a day, charging a small fee for maintenance and upkeep. Children under 12 will be free, but dogs and other urinating animals will count as an adult.

With the size of the expected turnout, you’ll probably have to make a reservation years in advance.  Would I pay to do that?  Every day, my friend, every single day.  Hell, I’d like to do it now — why wait until he’s dead to show him how America feels?


Be seeing you.

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