First off, where’s your towel?

Posted: 08/04/2014 in Screwed

Okay, before I start, I have a word of advice: don’t panic.  Yes, I know, that’s two words, but you know what I mean.  I can hear you asking “Why shouldn’t I?  It’ll cost me nothing and might accidentally fix the problem.”  But the fact is, if panic is necessary, then it’s too late.  Here’s why: the Ebola virus is in the Village.  Yes, the Ebola virus that causes hemorrhagic fever (Ebola HF).  Right, the one that makes you bleed from every orifice and then keel over dead.  The one that’s incredibly contagious.  That one.  That virus.

How?  The Center for Disease Control.  Yes, on purpose.  Yes, the same CDC that’s been in the news for randomly mailing out anthrax, bird flu, and the like.  Yeah.  That CDC.  It did it.

Why?  Because an American got sick and the CDC thought they could best treat him at an American hospital in Atlanta.  Right — the middle of the country.  I don’t know, maybe so that it could spread equally in all directions?  No, they still don’t have a treatment for Ebola, since the people who get it are usually dead before a doctor shows up.

What’s the CDC going to do?  Watch the patient.  Why couldn’t they do that in Liberia where the patient got sick?  I don’t know.  Apparently Liberian hospitals don’t have all the modern, up-to-date patient-watching stuff that American hospitals have.

So the patient will either die or get well on his own, like all Ebola patients do.  And then we’ll go from there, while the CDC does what it does best.  As soon as they figure out what that is.


Be seeing you.

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