I herd that

Posted: 07/18/2014 in Screwed

You don’t want to vaccinate your kids?  What, they’re your property, so you have the right to do what you want with them?  Oh, I get it: not vaccinating children is all the rage amongst the fad-driven set.  You know, the “beautiful people.”  Right — the folks that have more money than God and less sense than a turnip.  The idea, as so well expressed by you, is this: ‘I’m not a doctor, and I don’t understand all that science and stuff, and I don’t care that I may be putting my children’s’ lives at risk (to say nothing about other people’s children’s lives, since they’re not even remotely important).  I heard someone who sounded important say that vaccinations can be bad, so I say ‘just don’t do it.’  Well, I did say that until Nike sued me for copyright infringement, but you get the idea.”

Then you add the clincher:  “Besides, if everybody but me immunizes their kids, mine won’t be exposed to those nasty old germs, so they won’t need shots anyway.”  That last bit is called “herd immunity” and is almost true, provided all the members of the herd live in a sterile environment and none of them ever go where someone from outside the herd might have been at some point in time.  You know, like the gardener or the grocery delivery boy, or the Nanny from Honduras, or the globe-trottin’ Daddy figure or the maid at Mommy’s best friend’s house, or the mail man, or the UPS driver, or — well, you get the idea.  Oh, and it only works if your kid is the only one who doesn’t get immunized.  And even then, it doesn’t work every single time.

But at least for support you can point to the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, a far-right medical group that opposes all mandatory vaccines. The organization touts access to Georgia Congressman Phil Gingrey as one of its membership perks.  That would be the same congressman that’s currently in the news baying about the stupidity of letting those dangerous, snot-nosed little kids from Central America cross into the United States.  And why does he think they’re dangerous?  Because he falsely believes that those kids … wait for it … haven’t been vaccinated!

At least the two-faced bastard is right in theory, if not in actual fact.  Totally preventable, dangerous, childhood diseases we’d almost eradicated are making a comeback, and it’s all thanks to you.  Don’t you feel proud?  Don’t you feel oh, so important?  Won’t you be glad to have all that free time once your kids are dead?

Herd immunity.  Not just a good idea, it’s — no, wait, it’s not a good idea at all!


Be seeing you.

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