The reason I can’t buy cold medicine anymore…

Posted: 06/18/2014 in Screwed

You know, I kind of understand you, Kenneth Lankford.  I mean, I’ve never been in your shoes, exactly, but I do have a general awareness of just how hard it must have been for you to make that many difficult decisions in such a short period of time.  Especially while completely out of your head on meth.

First there was the panic when someone knocked on your door during the loud argument you were having with your wife.  It could have been the cops — again.  How best to respond?  Hide in the bedroom, maybe they’d go away.  Maybe it’d be best to hold onto your gun, just in case.  But your wife was keeping it away from you!  Struggle, shot rings out, she’s dying, but time is going sooooooo slooooowwwwwly.  She’s making all kinds of noise.  Well, the cops probably heard that.  Better shoot her again just to shut her up.  Now you’re sure the cops will have heard that. Best to go to the door and try to talk them.  Maybe you can give them a snowjob.  Yank open the door.  It’s not the cops — it’s your nosy neighbors come to complain about the noise!

How dare they not be the cops after you went to all the trouble to shoot your wife to keep her quiet!  They see your gun and take off running.  Good thing all that meth keeps you in such good shape.  You chase them down and shoot them repeatedly.  That’ll show ’em.  Bet they’ll think twice about complaining about you again.  Out of breath and tired, you go back home and take a nap.  The real police wake you up.

At the hearing, you plead innocent.  You tell the judge that the wife shot herself accidentally and you felt it was a mercy killing to finish the job.  The court is not impressed.  Your public defender talks you out of pleading for mercy on the basis of you having recently lost your wife.

Yeah, I understand how hard all that thinking must have been under the circumstances.  Good thing your Second Amendment rights allowed you to have a gun to do your thinking for you, wasn’t it?


Be seeing you.

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