The latest buzz

Posted: 06/11/2014 in Screwed
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There’s been some concern for several years now that our major food crops could be in jeopardy due to a lack of bees to pollinate our fields.    For reasons not understood, the bees were just disappearing.  And they didn’t even leave a note saying “So long and thanks for all the pollen.”

Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) happens when worker bees from a honey bee colony suddenly vanish.  At first, the problem seemed to be mites.  Then the experts thought maybe it was GMO crops that produce their own pesticides.  After a visit from two guys from Monsanto named Tony the Shiv and Vinny “Knuckles” Matsio, they decided CCD was caused by an overuse of insecticides by non-professionals (i.e., you and me).  The new reasoning went like this: insecticides weaken the natural defenses of the bees, which then fall prey to a number of issues, including mites.   Now they’ve discovered that, although bees normally spend winters in their hives, honeybees abandon hives exposed to some common insecticides.   So I guess Tony and Vinny were right.   Or, at least, I’m not going to argue with them.

Anyway, the solution is simple.  Do away with all insecticides, pesticides, and GMO or learn to eat grass.  Personally, I’m betting that any day now Monsanto will start selling seeds for GMO grass suitable for human consumption.  Plus a revival of the Atkins Diet Plan.  Now with more meat, and even fewer vegetables!

Be seeing you.

 

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