Race to the bottom

Posted: 05/19/2014 in Screwed

Yeah, I get it. Ted Cruz was yesterday’s news.  For the Tea Party, candidates that move to the right are like kissing on the first date — the next one better have some tongue.  Nebraska just told the world that they’re tired of silly courtship rituals.  They want it all — they want Ben Sasse.

Now, Ben’s not your normal, everyday, thinking kind of Harvard grad.  Or maybe he is.  Maybe he’s thinking that this is gonna be the easiest, sweetest bit of stuff he ever scored.  And if he has to kiss a frog or two in the process, well, what would you do to get the princess?

Ben’s big chance at the brass ring is based on the idea that if he can only be a bigger hater than anyone else, if only he can think less than the next guy, if only he can be the craziest crazy in the room, he’s got it made with the Tea Party.  And so far, he’s got that honor in the bag.  Not satisfied with worshiping the second half of the second amendment, not happy with merely believing that “if you’re not with us, you’re against us”, not comfortable with government trying to protect the environment (and, by the way, us) from money-hungry pigs in corporate suits, Sasse’s pushing the big one.   Sasse wants religion to be the cornerstone of everything.  He thinks if only we could become a theocracy, everything will be okay.  Of course, he’s assuming that the official religion will be his religion, naturally.  Too bad for him if that’s not how it always works out.

The fact that the Tea Party’s been losing to more moderate candidates in the general election apparently hasn’t registered with Ben yet.  If you’re as sick as I am, you might be enjoying the anticipation of watching his expression when he figures that out.

Yeah, I get it.  Everybody wants his fifteen minutes of fame.  But riddle me this, Batman: now that Sasse’s put everything on the plate on the first date, what’s the next guy gonna have to do to get noticed?



Be seeing you.


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